Is it falling head first into it? Eating, sleeping and dreaming of that one person that will seem to make all the troubles of your mundane life go away? Waking up and realizing that they are not lying next to you...yet? Contemplating and anticipating the day that you can finally call them your own?
You finally muster the courage to speak to your "love." You realize how much they intrigue every fiber inside of you. You want to know more, and dare to dream of them possessing all of the qualities that you desire. First date, second date, third date, KISS. Oh, how wonderful it felt! No more just dreaming of him, now you have him ...your prince, your King.
Years later, after the craving has died and comfort arises, the anticipation of his presence turns to dread. The longing turns to regret. Was it so many bad memories that led to this feeling? When did this happen? Was it one immature mistake after another? Was it the lack of caring, respect, honesty that was shown after years of neglect, secrecy, and unfaithfulness? What do you do now? Do you give into all the naysayers who believed that your prince, your King, was no good for you? Do you admit you made a mistake...that you FAILED?
Or do you try and keep trying...if not for you, but for the life the two of you created? You give it your A-L-L, all that you know how. You try to move forward, and yet and still...immaturity peeps in, opens the door and shows you that things have NOT changed. You are faced with one asinine situation after another. The realization that you cannot trust anyone becomes evident and you finally see, YOU ARE ALONE.
What is the hardest thing about love?
It is when you are with someone, yet alone. Solitude is not only existing without another physical being, but without arms to caress you when you are dejected; without someone who you know that without a shadow of a doubt you can trust with your heart, your secrets, your body, your love.
The hardest thing about love is when you realize that the person you have always loved is the one who's no longer there. There was no funeral for him because he is physical and yet, he is no longer human. Oh, he looks like your "love," talks like your "love," and when he allows you to get close enough, you realize he even smells like your "love," but he's not...I mean, how can he be? Your "love" would not disrespect you, beat you down, neglect you, hurt you, while throwing dirt on you, by being a flirt, with no control from a skirt, as you sit home trying to divert, his attention back to you because you are alert and really no one's fool. So you know...all this time your "love" thought he was being slick, you knew! You allowed him to f*ck your mind, time and time again telling you lies that just...never...really...made...any...sense. Yes, you knew...but you are still no fool.
The hardest thing about love is that you can unknowingly make such a terrible, time-consuming and costly mistake, as remaining with your faux "love," which keeps you from your "true love." One who will not take your love and devotion for granted. One who will understand you and give unto you as much as you are willing to pour unto him, for the cup of love between the two that is true will never be exhausted, depleted or depreciated. THAT is the love that you desire, that you deserve.
What is the hardest thing about love?
-Kesh
Written Dec 3, 2012
(c) 2012 NixRises All Rights Reserved
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