Christmas just isn't Christmas
With YOU here with me
I'm laying face down
Covered in tears
From lack of love
As a rejectee
Even despite all the backstabbing
My heart still remains true
As it has feelings for you
No matter what you seem to do
"Dumb a$$"
I hate that I love you
I never thought I'd hate that I care
Feeling way too sentimental
On the contrary, I just can't seem to bear
The thought of looking at you
As my memories go to exactly this day a year before
You presented me with a ring in church
The love for me filled your eyes so much more
But now not even mistletoe
Can make you come close to me
As if I really broke YOUR heart
The keeper of mine:
You were such a unworthy trustee
Do I hate you?
YES
This is certain and true
Weary from being angry
As my resentment continues to stew
Do I love you?
YES
This is most confusing to me
As you can't be trusted with sh$t I own:
My heart, time, body, secrets and my money
I aspire to be far away from you
A distant memory
Of good and bad choices made
Instincts ignored
My being is dying to be free
From the one who stole years from my life
Premeditatedly feeding me lies
I look forward to the prosperous year
When you will no longer be in my life
"From my heart to God's gracious ears,"
That's my outcry
I am pleading and begging for the courage to move on
For I now see that our time together
Was way too long
This realization comes with a sigh
I did myself an injustice
By continuously giving you time
Time to straighten up
Time to MAN up
But all you did was climb...
Ascend the highest ranks of dog-ism
The pinnacle of lowdown whore-ism
I allowed you to graffiti my heart
Appointee vandalism
Now I am bitter and enraged
The angry black woman, not to be upstaged
By your unfounded disgust towards me
While anyone who knows us cannot clearly understand or see
What was once my favorite time of the year
Bearing happiness, has now turned blue
But I declare this new upcoming year
To focus on goals that to thine self renew:
Bringing back my life to independence
As it was in the years that have passed
Before I agreed to go knee deep and head first
Putting my intuition last
I take the pain you managed to bring
And convert it into strength incessantly
Transforming me into a woman
Much better than before
That will forever remain as me
Written by Kesh
Dec 25, 2012
(c) 2012 NixRises All Rights Reserved
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