Monday, February 10, 2014

Lessons Learned

I'm living in darkness
My daily life there's no sun
Maybe it is because I allowed you back in my life
For you were the one

Who damaged me so
Now I sit and wonder
And I just don't know
My ardent nature may never know
How it feels, once again, to be loved
I gave that all up
I pushed
I shoved

Locked my true love out of my heart
Returned to you while believing you:
"A fresh start"
Wasn't that what you said?
I replay those lies
My heart palpitates
I thought I was feeling love
Nervousness about the change
Didn't realize my intuition was feeling dread

Subliminally trying to make me stop
Keep me from making a lifelong mistake
I cry
I cuss
My sanity now is at stake

I walk down an aisle
See the tulips, they're my fav
Can't remember why I am here
Every step closer
I'm scared
But act brave

The more I get near
I realize
All I had, I gave
Then I gaze upon my beautiful former self in the grave

Minimal worries in the world
Smile for everyone I met
That once was me
Until I came across you
You live to beset
Chaos follows you
Longest relationship filled with regret

I see that 17-year old with a wide smile
Not the me in the mirror
Wrinkles and gray-haired
Caused by stress
While you sit there telling yourself you are blameless

Wrong choices created tears
I guess the blame is really on me
Should have let your actions tell the story
Because your words were never brought forth truthfully

So now I face, this face
The old me is gone
Wide-eyed, wide smile I once had
I ignored the signs even when they were dead-on

The new me
The woman in me
Must be stronger
Stand taller
Punch harder
Be smarter
Than the former me ever was
For she can't fail any longer

Must do as strong does
Be unbreakable
Slightly sensitive but not teary-eyed
Ready for the unthinkable
Because a dude like you should have never been able
To make life for me so painful

Never again will I fall
Listen only to my mind
Not my heart
Because it is truly the smartest of us all

Written by Kesh
February 9, 2014
revised April 30, 2014

(c) 2014 NixRises All Rights Reserved

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