Loaded Tongue

Sharp & fast
Verbal warfare spewed to last
To harm
To hurt
To break
The concern for me you once showed
Pseudo
Fake
Phony love
Occupied only to take
My time
My energy
Draining me of my spark
As I sit lonely crying in the dark
Asking all the "Who, What, When, Where's and Why's"
To everyone
And yet no one at all
Once on top
I slowly fall
To my figurative death
As I play over in my mind
The decisions I made
I rewind
I skip over the minimal good to those that remind
Remind me of why I am in this place
This space
My mind no longer will erase
The disgrace I feel as I
Replay your words
Boisterous and deadly
The loaded tongue of yours cocks back shooting actions that are
Just as powerful
Displaying your lack of integrity
And loyalty
To me and only me
Aren't I privileged to be in the presence of you
'Thoo'

You spit those words onto my face
Your saliva rolls down my eyelashes
My nose
Onto my mouth
Which attacks with a fierce comeback
But it's not enough
One after another you pound and pound
It's a sport you have played for years
Yet the field has changed
Or has it?
The evil lurking in you remains the same
Can't take the snake out of the grass
Or the devil out from Hell
I now know this all too well
And with your tongue well loaded
Waiting to strike again
I keep silent
Yet attack with my pen

Written by Kesh
-June 4, 2013

(c) 2013 NixRises All Rights Reserved

Diary of an Unhappily Married Woman

Here are the inner thoughts of an unhappily married woman. After years of enduring abuse, she quietly sits down with herself, and reflects on the troubles in her life. A culmination of immature bull has led up to the writings from the Diary of an Unhappily Married Woman.
___

I stress the bills while you watch tv because
YOU DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ME
Laughing, "Hee Hee"
Out of mom's
It was all a G because
YOU DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ME
I'm a "bitch"
"Selfish"
Yet you benefited more than WE because
YOU DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ME
Thought you were fly
Willie style
On the sly
Tell me why?
Because
YOU DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ME

So spare me your claim to fame
While you maintain
All along
Your feelings remained
While you left me
And your blood
Darkness and rain
Stayed physically but mentally
You brought the pain
It's all the same

Too chicken shit to make it legal
And now I see though
Last name's the same
But you ride single
No more love
And for me
No more tingles
Like it was back in the day
Horseplay filled days
Better yet
Foreplay
When I was your girl
Your fiancee
Present day's in disarray
My current goal
To be a divorcee
Whoa!
That shit cray

So I breathe...

And I pause...

My bed is made
I'm in my drawers
Can't get up
It's not your fault
I tell myself
But my 'me'
Says it's on me
No gun to my head
Just verbal brutality spewed from he
Walking blindly through it all
I should of known better
Faith in man is like reading a 4-page letter
Grim fairy tale
I saw the signs
A smarter woman would have bailed
But I gave it my all
Now I'm left with the tail
From an ass...

"Hee Hee"
No!
"Hee Haw"
Such a snake in the grass
Focused on my sanity
As my mind tries to last
I know what he deserves
But it's not my justice to pass

But until then, I wait patiently

And when it comes...
Slap me TWICE if I'm not done!

-Written by Kesh
June 2, 2013

(c) 2013 NixRises All Rights Reserved

Blinded Love

When you do not know your worth, you allow yourself to put up unnecessary pain and hurt from those closest to you. This dysfunction is prevalent among girls who never had a Father to give them
the love they deserve.  This happens to girls who come across that one guy who they believe is "the one." Years later, if they make it out of that damaged filled relationship, they are left scarred for life from putting all their trust in Blinded Love

You may not see all I've endured
Bruises long ago healed
Heart blackened from callous remarks
Wounded esteem
As was supposed to be of self
I shared with the unworthy
Allowing you to treat it
Shape it
And mold it
Like a freshly opened container of Play-Doh
Hard hands tugging
Smashing
Flattening
Dropping
Poking
Then discarding it
Like it never brought joy into your sorry a$$ life
Play-Doh
Me
I
Allowed YOU
To mix your pessimism
Hypocrisy
Cynicism
Raining on my humble parade.
You ask why I say "humble?"
Humble because all that I had, was appreciated, that is
Until YOU told me how bad I had it
I didn't know how used and unloved I was
Until YOU told me so
Should I thank you?
Well Dear, I will never know
If I were to take your word as THE WORD
I should kiss your feet
As you, who so unselfishly, put on your cape and "rescued" me
Truthfully
You just ended up hurting me
More than anyone else in my life

You may not see it all
Clouded
Warrant-less
Anger-filled bias judgment
That only allows you to see your good
Walking around with the arrogant "Wish a nigga would" pseudo swag
But the scale has fallen aside
As the bad spills out
Topples over
Spreads out wide
Crashes to the floor
Don't go !!!
Wait, there's more...

But I am too weak and strained to endure
Ongoing neglect
Blatant disrespect
Dying for you to officially be someone else's upset
Or better yet
Their rigged game of Russian Roulette
As you play with their life
Health
Sanity
And a little bit of wealth
While you act like you're the only game in town
I frown
As my high has come tumbling down
No longer am I mesmerized by the "good guy," "victim of circumstance" disguise
I failed the test
And go home to my sloppy seconds prize
You're far from a diamond in the rough
As I drive along
Built Ford tough
Down a road unplanned, but foolishly unanticipated
Good intentions, now hated
I live frustrated
Far from elated
But at times
I still smile
My joy will never be stolen
Faith unwavering
Living life favoring
Mentally preparing for the day
When WE will truly be no more


(c) 2013 NixRises All Rights Reserved

True Love Is Dead

True Love Is Dead

Oh I think he likes me
He winks his eye, on the sly
Oh I think he likes me
He says he wants to replace my guy
Be my everything and all the man I'll ever need
Trying to see some skin, raunchy pictures
"Baby, please..."
He begs some more and I decline
Now I'm nothing but a tease
True love is dead
I thought he liked me
On to the next one
He can deceive

-May 9, 2013
Written by Kesh

(c) 2013 NixRises All Rights Reserved

Subliminals

The eyes never lie...

I see you
The bond we share
Stronger than two tons of steel
Solid as a rock
No pseudo
Oh so real
I know how much you care
No words have to be said
For your eyes tell the story
Saying all that's unsaid
You watch me sashay
I seem to float around the room
I sense your eyes
Staring between my thighs
It is safe for me to assume
I know what you want
Where you want it
And how you want to do
And with my eyes I express
Just how badly
I want you too

Our connection is unmatched
Raw
Cannot be contained
There's no one to blame
You and I are one in the same
Natural love
That's the special bond we possess
Nothing less
Highly blessed
And tonight
We'll be panting the word:
"YES!"

But right now
We must play it cool
Maintain our composure
Be classy
Those are the rules
But I see you, my love
And I know you see me too
But until then
We'll tone it down until I say when
While we just enjoy the view

Written February 11, 2013

(c) 2013 NixRises All Rights Reserved

My Son, My World, My Love

My Son, My World, My Love





The joy in my life
My reason for breathing
For striving
For pressing on
After all that has gone wrong
You're not only my son, but you're my center
The stars, that is you
As your eyes brightly twinkle
Illuminating rooms from afar





My grayest skies are brightened as you chuckle
And then laugh
An infectious sound in you can be found
My love for you is boundless
Unconditional
Everlasting
Unwavering
And profound

It is deeper than the Mariana Trench
More intense than a touch from the sun itself
My son
My world
My love
How can I repay you for all you have given to me?
A reason for living
A divine purpose
The greatest gift God bestowed to me
I am beyond lucky
I am blessed
My devotion I express
As my undying love
I give to you
I guarantee

Written December 2012 (revised March 2013)

(c) 2012-2013 NixRises All Rights Reserved

Senses of a Lost Love

Aching feeling when I hear your voice
Imagining your lips moving, but I can no longer taste them
Nor can I smell your scent
I remember the strength
Of your arms around me
Heaven-sent
The protection I felt
Unimaginable
Alpha quality
100%
Neither space nor time can change what I feel
The respect
Adoration
Admiration
The love
Yes, I truly love this man
It didn't take distance and states to realize this
But mistakes
And circumstances
To thirst for that bliss
Knowing in my heart of hearts
That if I was again given the desires of my soul
To be united with you
By all senses
I will forever be true
Eternally
Man and wife
For I've had a taste of the bitter pill called "Life...
Without you"
It's Rotten
Tart
Disgusting
Harsh and sharp
Flavors I can't fathom to savor
Those I never want to experience again
Being without my greatest love
The one my mind sees as
My man

Written by Kesh
-Feb 22, 2013

(c) 2013 NixRises All Rights Reserved