NixRises: Loaded Tongue

NixRises: Loaded Tongue: Sharp & fast Verbal warfare spewed to last To harm To hurt To break The concern for me you once showed Pseudo Fake Phony love O...

This Is My Life

I thirst for pain
It lives in every word I write
Every phrase I use
My muse
It forms a life of its own
My story is home grown
Reproduced and rhymed
Melancholy in tone
And yet...
This is my life

-August 17, 2013

(c) 2013 NixRises All Rights Reserved

Image Source: Silent of Tears - EnglishClub

Beautiful Lies

I looked into your eyes
Your gaze took me by surprise
You whispered to me as you pulled back my hair
"I'm not at all like those other guys."
"How can I believe you?"  "Why?"
"I shouldn't need to verify,"
"But if you give me a chance, then you will see, I'll never make you cry."
"I'll remain faithful, always by your side."
"Your needs I will never deny"
"Everyone knows guys born in July, our purpose is to comply."
Over and over, you sang all a good guy would imply

But many a day I have cried
Emotionally you walked out of my life
Faithful, PLEASE!
You wouldn't know what it was if it spit phlegm right in your eye
When confronted by truth, you deny
I still lack a good reason why
I guess you blew a lot of smoke
My feelings were nothing more than a joke
While you were feeding me those beautiful lies

Written June 22, 2013
By Kesh

(c) 2013 NixRises All Rights Reserved

Loaded Tongue

Sharp & fast
Verbal warfare spewed to last
To harm
To hurt
To break
The concern for me you once showed
Pseudo
Fake
Phony love
Occupied only to take
My time
My energy
Draining me of my spark
As I sit lonely crying in the dark
Asking all the "Who, What, When, Where's and Why's"
To everyone
And yet no one at all
Once on top
I slowly fall
To my figurative death
As I play over in my mind
The decisions I made
I rewind
I skip over the minimal good to those that remind
Remind me of why I am in this place
This space
My mind no longer will erase
The disgrace I feel as I
Replay your words
Boisterous and deadly
The loaded tongue of yours cocks back shooting actions that are
Just as powerful
Displaying your lack of integrity
And loyalty
To me and only me
Aren't I privileged to be in the presence of you
'Thoo'

You spit those words onto my face
Your saliva rolls down my eyelashes
My nose
Onto my mouth
Which attacks with a fierce comeback
But it's not enough
One after another you pound and pound
It's a sport you have played for years
Yet the field has changed
Or has it?
The evil lurking in you remains the same
Can't take the snake out of the grass
Or the devil out from Hell
I now know this all too well
And with your tongue well loaded
Waiting to strike again
I keep silent
Yet attack with my pen

Written by Kesh
-June 4, 2013

(c) 2013 NixRises All Rights Reserved

Diary of an Unhappily Married Woman

Here are the inner thoughts of an unhappily married woman. After years of enduring abuse, she quietly sits down with herself, and reflects on the troubles in her life. A culmination of immature bull has led up to the writings from the Diary of an Unhappily Married Woman.
___

I stress the bills while you watch tv because
YOU DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ME
Laughing, "Hee Hee"
Out of mom's
It was all a G because
YOU DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ME
I'm a "bitch"
"Selfish"
Yet you benefited more than WE because
YOU DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ME
Thought you were fly
Willie style
On the sly
Tell me why?
Because
YOU DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ME

So spare me your claim to fame
While you maintain
All along
Your feelings remained
While you left me
And your blood
Darkness and rain
Stayed physically but mentally
You brought the pain
It's all the same

Too chicken shit to make it legal
And now I see though
Last name's the same
But you ride single
No more love
And for me
No more tingles
Like it was back in the day
Horseplay filled days
Better yet
Foreplay
When I was your girl
Your fiancee
Present day's in disarray
My current goal
To be a divorcee
Whoa!
That shit cray

So I breathe...

And I pause...

My bed is made
I'm in my drawers
Can't get up
It's not your fault
I tell myself
But my 'me'
Says it's on me
No gun to my head
Just verbal brutality spewed from he
Walking blindly through it all
I should of known better
Faith in man is like reading a 4-page letter
Grim fairy tale
I saw the signs
A smarter woman would have bailed
But I gave it my all
Now I'm left with the tail
From an ass...

"Hee Hee"
No!
"Hee Haw"
Such a snake in the grass
Focused on my sanity
As my mind tries to last
I know what he deserves
But it's not my justice to pass

But until then, I wait patiently

And when it comes...
Slap me TWICE if I'm not done!

-Written by Kesh
June 2, 2013

(c) 2013 NixRises All Rights Reserved

Blinded Love

When you do not know your worth, you allow yourself to put up unnecessary pain and hurt from those closest to you. This dysfunction is prevalent among girls who never had a Father to give them
the love they deserve.  This happens to girls who come across that one guy who they believe is "the one." Years later, if they make it out of that damaged filled relationship, they are left scarred for life from putting all their trust in Blinded Love

You may not see all I've endured
Bruises long ago healed
Heart blackened from callous remarks
Wounded esteem
As was supposed to be of self
I shared with the unworthy
Allowing you to treat it
Shape it
And mold it
Like a freshly opened container of Play-Doh
Hard hands tugging
Smashing
Flattening
Dropping
Poking
Then discarding it
Like it never brought joy into your sorry a$$ life
Play-Doh
Me
I
Allowed YOU
To mix your pessimism
Hypocrisy
Cynicism
Raining on my humble parade.
You ask why I say "humble?"
Humble because all that I had, was appreciated, that is
Until YOU told me how bad I had it
I didn't know how used and unloved I was
Until YOU told me so
Should I thank you?
Well Dear, I will never know
If I were to take your word as THE WORD
I should kiss your feet
As you, who so unselfishly, put on your cape and "rescued" me
Truthfully
You just ended up hurting me
More than anyone else in my life

You may not see it all
Clouded
Warrant-less
Anger-filled bias judgment
That only allows you to see your good
Walking around with the arrogant "Wish a nigga would" pseudo swag
But the scale has fallen aside
As the bad spills out
Topples over
Spreads out wide
Crashes to the floor
Don't go !!!
Wait, there's more...

But I am too weak and strained to endure
Ongoing neglect
Blatant disrespect
Dying for you to officially be someone else's upset
Or better yet
Their rigged game of Russian Roulette
As you play with their life
Health
Sanity
And a little bit of wealth
While you act like you're the only game in town
I frown
As my high has come tumbling down
No longer am I mesmerized by the "good guy," "victim of circumstance" disguise
I failed the test
And go home to my sloppy seconds prize
You're far from a diamond in the rough
As I drive along
Built Ford tough
Down a road unplanned, but foolishly unanticipated
Good intentions, now hated
I live frustrated
Far from elated
But at times
I still smile
My joy will never be stolen
Faith unwavering
Living life favoring
Mentally preparing for the day
When WE will truly be no more


(c) 2013 NixRises All Rights Reserved

True Love Is Dead

True Love Is Dead

Oh I think he likes me
He winks his eye, on the sly
Oh I think he likes me
He says he wants to replace my guy
Be my everything and all the man I'll ever need
Trying to see some skin, raunchy pictures
"Baby, please..."
He begs some more and I decline
Now I'm nothing but a tease
True love is dead
I thought he liked me
On to the next one
He can deceive

-May 9, 2013
Written by Kesh

(c) 2013 NixRises All Rights Reserved